Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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