I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
