People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
