Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she peed on how many people?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
