someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she told me i tasted like america
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
