i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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