I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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