are you still at the devil's house?
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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