so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
