Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
