the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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