so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She's just so happy...and so naked.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
