I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
