Im at strip club and am horny
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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