why didn't you poke me back
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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