Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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