We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
