Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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