we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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