tell your sister to shave her snatch
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
