I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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