The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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