Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
