You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
