You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
