im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
the liver wants what the liver wants
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
