Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
