I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
