mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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