Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
