someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
