Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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