I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
