I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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