I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
