I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize