My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
