There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
