i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
