Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
