I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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