If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She's the barista slut.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
