morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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