Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Randomize
