morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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