So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
