Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
