ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I smell stomach acid.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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