Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
