Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
