If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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