Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
