I love black thongs
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
