I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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