Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
