well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
