So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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