I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
