Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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