Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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