Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
