She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
