is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
