let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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