im six kinds of drunk right now
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
