We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
