This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
