Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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