i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
